Mental Doodles

A moment of being normal. The best gift possible.

not like I'm going to modify a bunch of myself, but... yeah.

( Right ear )
( Left ear )

When i had all 5 rings out of the right ear yesterday to clean it well, I was reminded of that perforated paper that you "tear along the dotted line"

A brownie, cottage cheese, some american cheese, turkey pepperoni and a banana.

Dinner of win!

A large buckle shaped piece of metal embedded itself in my tire. Will this week of epic fail ever end?

The funniest thing happened this morning with a clock in the closet. Its not alarmed in years and i put it in a box which set off the alarm and its been going off for a while.

Today, living room. Tomorrow, advil bottle!

Hadn't heard this before until earlier tonight. Lovely song, that.

---

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

---

Someone sent me that via youtube video.

Today I'm short vision questing.

lyrics to look up: hello darkness hello sunshine

Worst thing about naps is when you wake up several hours too early and dont have anything to do while the rest of your hotel room buddies sleep.

Road trip ftw! And because we dont hang out as much as we should its a fun nonstop yak fest

hey look i can take more advantage of my unlimited texts to post to lj now. I wonder how it does with the ones that break into multiples.

Are there any people from Atlanta who still read this?

If so, do you guys know of anyplace around here that could maybe help me with a vision quest? I'm feeling so lost and I really need to figure out what I want. I did one when I was about 13, and it gave me a lot of answers then. Funds are pretty much non-existent, which is part of why I need to figure out what I want, because that's kind of a determining factor in me moving vs me taking a job here (assuming they offer it to me).

So. yeah.

Help?

This is apparently one of the things no one really knows, even though I've tried to explain it a few times.

About 6-9 months ago, I stopped being in chronic pain. I don't know why or what changed, just that it changed.

It used to be that there was this ball of pain right where all the bone damage was. It felt like someone putting constant pressure with a thumb or something right on my spine and from that pressure point, pain raidiated outward, upward, downward, sideways... every which way possible.

Now, that spot is pretty much dead. I don't feel anything in that spot at all, and the pain that radiated in all directions from it is still occasionally present, but not constantly. It happens on occasion that I'll wake up and I'm all stiff and achy from a bad sleeping night or maybe it rained, or maybe I did too much the previous day. But for the most part instead of feeling pain, I feel nothing. Below said spot is iffy on whether or not I feel anything at all. Most of the time I've got SOME sensation, but it's iffy on whether or not I'm going to. You can hit me with a hammer, and I may not feel it, and yet sometimes I feel a loose hair slide across my skin.

Not being in constant pain means a lot for my mood and getting things done. Not that my mood in the last few weeks is much to go on, but its still the case.

I no longer know where my real limits are. I used to be limited by the pain I felt, and now since most of that is gone, I'm limited mostly on what my body can't do. There are muscle groups I have no control over, and muscles I'm loosing. I've lost a nice chunk of weight, and I'm loosing more (Fast-5 Diet FTW!) and this makes me feel better about myself, and probably helps a lot with the limitations, or lack thereof. The only one of which I actualy know to be hard and fast is about how far I can walk or how long I can stand up.

The thing I really need most is an agent. I've had several people represent me temporarily at various times for a single thing - a convention, a particular venue, a single aspect of my work to someone.... but it's not a permanent thing for anyone yet, and I need it to be. Doing the "legwork" of getting myself jobs, placements, shows, and the like is a right bitch. That's the part of the work that I fail miserably at, and that I really need someone for.

I want to get rid of things I make. I like the website work, a lot. I wouldn't mind having more of it. In fact, I'd love to have more of it. Despite that, I really really really want to get representation in galleries. I want to have shows. I want hangings in bookstores, or cafes, or wherever. I don't much care where my stuff is being shown and sold, as long as it's being shown and sold.

I don't do very good with legwork. I'm not outgoing. I don't have presence, and when I show up someplace to talk to someone about my art and showing my stuff, I either get dismissed, overlooked, shunned or an outright pity party. I'm not georgous or skinny enough for people to look at me and have a first impression other than "disabled artist". I don't have the money to turn myself into a rolling fashionista, and changing peoples first impressions of me is not only not easy, but damn near impossible because I come with stigma.

So I need an agent. Someone who can talk to people. Someone outgoing. Someone with presence, who can hobnob and talk shop with galleries, and be picky for me, and do things like waltz into a gallery with a big canvas covered in paint and get me a deal. Someone who will work hard on commission. Someone who feels strongly about my art or me or preferably both, but I'd settle for one or the other. From what I understand, agents don't have to be local to the gallery they're trying to land. They dont' have to be anywhere particular. So hopefully someone, somewhere, or several someones, somewhere, will finally stumble across my path and become what I need.

So, Santa (why do I keep typing Sanda?) this is what I'd like for Christmas. I've been a good girl. Wont you find a way to drop an agent or ten under my tree this year? Or at the very least make it possible for me to find people who do this professionally so that I can like.. talk to them?

Much love, cookies, and milk.

J

(and the disclaimer -- alas and unfortunately should anyone ever actually volunteer for this - this is not a "pay up front" or "by the hour" or anything like that. It's gotta be commission. That's the only way it would work at all for either of us.)

Turns out that lemonade on the desk is not a good thing. Especially not when there's an iPod, a Razr, and a keyboard and a mouse on said desk to soak up the lemonade. and it was one of those quart glasses, freshly filled.

Turns out the phone and iPod were fine, protected by me grabbing quick, and the iSkin, respectively.

Turns out tonight's pure hell on the net. I cannot connect to anything, I can't get out, and this is driving me insane. I can get a couple of seconds here and there, but it's like 13085173598137519835713 ms latency to everything, and that's driving me batty.

Turns out that when you dump lemonade in your keyboard, your mouse is effectively useless also - if you have a mac. Mighty Mice have a cord that's like.. 1, maybe 2 feet long. If your tower is like 3 feet to the left of where your mouse normally is, this is the fail.

Turns out that if your mouse is three feet to the left of where it normally is, tanking an instance in WoW doesn't work really well. 8 wipes for the loose - on someplace that was USUALLY so easy to make me wear things like a fishing pole and beer goggles (both fun things that have nothing to do with the tank job) not having a mouse to use, really, is like. The total fail. I wiped us about 8 times. Lame.

Turns out that lightbulbs randomly blow.

Turns out I don't have a spare mouse that's both optical and USB.

Turns out that when you get lemonade in your keyboard, and it's not working, and you borrow a keyboard from your brother to use, that the only thing you *really* succeed in doing is making yourself spend a frustrating 30 minutes with your internet connection not working trying to figure out how to eject your CD tray.

Turns out the only easy way to eject a cd tray with a PowerMac G5 core duo is with the eject button on the aforementioned ruined keyboard.

Turns out you can do it in iTunes too - little button at the bottom.

Turns out that DVD Player doesn't do it - because if there's not a disc in, it just says "not supported with the current disc" or something to that effect.

Turns out my nets still not reliably up (about 2 seconds every 5 minutes), so I probably can't post this.

Turns out knuckles bruise when you punch the floor.

Turns out my hip kind of doesn't like it when I fall over.

Turns out, I AM smart enough (or not frustrated to the point of loosing my head completely, at least) to save it locally via text file so I don't completley loose it.

:D

apathyzeal Just FYI, my client says you've been idle 96,410h 49m.  That's 4,017 days, which is more than slightly more than 11 years.
apathyzeal I can only hope, someday... SOME DAY! I can be idle that long too
apathyzeal especially to accomplish it in less time, too, as you seem to have been active earlier in the afternoon



*shifty eyes*

Someone noticed. I must make better use of The Device.

It was an early present for me, but now I have a better cell plan and a new phone to match.

It's girly.

I like it.

So incredibly true, although I spend most of my time in the working in IE part also swearing.